I wake up in the morning anxious

Running my internal game

Spinning my money stories .

Tribe crisis .

Elephants stampeding in my stomach , jackals howling in my heart ,

Hyenas laughing out loud .

My husband is a calm tusk . Denial maybe ? Delusion ?

Or could it be some form of enlightenment ?

I have yet to discover .

The India roof over our heads tenuous .....

And I' m scared .

I know the safety thatch is within .... but I get confused .

Old jungle wisdom escapes me , just when I need it most .

Calling , calling : Come .... Come Sangoma ....

Breathe ... Breathe South Africa back into me !

conjuring her forth

I need you now !

Meantime counting pennies


thinking can we afford this or that ....

Target and Sav - On ,

names I don -t love despite the toilet bargains there .

I much prefer luxury and elegance

....... Barney - s and Neiman Marcus .

Unfortunately ,

Fred Segal -s way off my Manolo radar now

Blanik for good !

Craving some big ass shopping bags in my trunk

And then my princess oven Gaggenau

Which I' ve always resented for it' s bullshit

now I work now i don' t - temperamentality ,

bringing up Buchenwald .

Stinging me as I stand in front of it ,

begging it - please work

electric currents shocking my skin

so sensitive us Jews to ovens and ......

There is a lioness in my loins

or maybe she' s a jaguar .

she is the Hunter ---

tracking tracking the emotions

and menopause speedthrows

the emotions everywhere ....

rollercoaster rides dizzy

from the neverending turmoil .

Poverty sucks !!

Stress is a parasite , townships suck you dry ,

tin shacks lean on one another

no longer able to hold themselves up

-shanty chic -

a buzzword in London

but not politically correct .

The parasite sucking on me

like the ticks on my long - haired cat .

I pull them off

and morbidly delight in watching them squirm

as the flame catches.

Fat overfilled blood belly collapses

Where does it go .... the blood ?

Imploding ..... bloodsucker

into the smoking Soweto trash can .

I see a hawk through my office window .

Want to be her .

spread my wings and soar

to see the Big Picture .

Reality is of my choosing .....

Why this ?

And I admit I am a hummingbird .

Hopefully I - ll have the art courage

to fly the distance underfueled .

And courage change will come .

My tusks grow long

Though I wait

and wait

and wait .