All forces have pressed against me to test my strength again and again; loss, success, slaughter, divorce, death, tax, defeat, acceptance, scandal, failure, envy, ruin, gender, cancer of hatred, tropic of capricorn, lightning of lunacy, patterns of pestilence, a war, a war crushing me, crushing my heart, testing my reason. Will I ever own my life, or merely live the part thrust upon me? There is something, there is something God has given me which if ignored would leave love unannounced, leave the light in the dark, leave the dressmaker, the doorman, the mayor, the traffic cop behind, with one more stillborn soul to pay the price of admission, get in line, consume what's consumable, deep in the shank of madness this woman, this delicate woman must lead, must lead into battle, the constant bitter vigilant battle to protect, to protect the yellow stone around my heart, to protect the tiny flame from which pours eternal light, light that many would be thrilled to extinguish; vigilance, vigilance, vigilance, vigilance, vigilance, vigilance, vigilance, a thousand fall beside me, ten thousand at my right hand, the lion and serpent are trampled underfoot, watch for the boarding gate, the baggage packed and loaded, deep in the shank of madness, with one thought, only one thought if I could, I would unzip this rubber suit in which I live, step out, cast me aside, and walk away from myself.