The Baby

Sitting on the same bench as you, I saw a whirlwind coming.

You were so beautifully made that I couldn't see you. But that didn't

matter.

Your eyes of seduction took a hold of my hands, handcuffing them to

uncertainty and shadows.

I walked with you, the ghost - the ghost who held my life in his hands.

We wandered through pink carousels, cotton candy and licorice,

laughing notes that sang a harmony.

The tone of musicality surprised you.

Lavishing me with Valentines Day cards, petting and stroking my

virgin hair - I escaped from security and became giddy of being

watched.

Your shoulders bore of fur, and the milkman's son gave it to me, so

I would feel safe inside the world.

Walking hand and hand, you made me laugh and bubble. You didn't

tell me what song you were about to sing to me, because naivity

breeds naivity - raw pleasure was not even in my vocabulary then.

Hot seduction, sipping champagne, words like music, hands that

played genius, eyes like water arraign a reef, piercing me down

onto the cold, leather seat.

It hurt

Love was not supposed to hurt. Love is not so sticky and forbidden;

but your mouth was like wine and soothed my aching soul. Being with

you made me feel special in a world where most people are not

special

people in coffins and tubes down their throats; people with five inch

stab wounds; people in cages for love; people lying dead in a rat-

invested gutter.

Driving home in my new boyfriend's car, the room that no virginal

girl would ever go. I got caught holding something more than when

I went in. You made a special present inside my stomach with that

funny-looking thing that hurt me when it went inside

Mother coming after me with a helter-skelter knife, piercing bloody

breast, now with pretty stitches to ease the pain.

I'm on my own now, waiting for baby to arrive faint heartbeats in my

stomach, kicking me with tiny feet, making Mommie nauseous.

Little loved one arrives - breathing breath from a crazy, mixed up

world - pink and new - beautiful.

He's taken away from me and I've never seen him again.